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| "You Are Here"- Salt Lake City, Utah |
As a millennial, I grew up
watching the quick development of new technologies. Many memories from
childhood and adolescence involve a computer. I remember being 8 and using my
grandfather’s computer, connecting to the internet, and hearing that awful
noise while doing so, getting annoyed when someone called, and annoying other people
because I was on the internet… yes, I was hooked.
One of the highlights of my
relationship with the internet was making my first e-mail. I was in school in
grade 6 and everyone was talking about this “MSN messenger” thing. So, as a naïve
pre-teen I obviously wanted to be “in” and try it out. Also, it was such a
revolutionary concept. I didn’t have to call my friends to their home phone, I
could just write to them and they would instantly read it. It skipped that
awkward step of asking their parents if you could talk to them. By the way, if you are now that age, NEVER
skip that step and always ask permission to use the internet. Respect the
elders! But those were the early days. No one knew how powerful the internet
was. It was a strange land and at the same time it opened the door to many
possibilities and new opportunities. Even for me.
If I could describe myself back
then, I would say that overall I was shy. And due to that “shyness” I took
advantage of those new technologies such as MSN to connect with people without
feeling odd. It offered a way of communicating without necessarily showing your
face (trust me, everybody had issues during puberty, so please don’t judge).
Therefore, besides being able to stay in contact with your friends, you could
also make new ones. Moreover, it gave me the freedom to talk to the people I
was afraid to talk to, like a crush.
When I was 12 I had this HUGE
crush on my friend. We both played the saxophone in a band and sat next to each
other on every practice and gig. He was the person I talked the most to, and he
was so darn cute. I must give kudos to my 12-year-old self because I had great
taste in men. Long story short, that
crush lasted for about 4 years. I never told him despite our long conversations
on MSN and me being all “psycho” writing his name and mine backwards in my user
name. Hearts included. I thought I was edgy and cool but… no.
Later on, came other social media platforms like MySpace, a“space”
where you had a profile with music and you could personalize it... Oh my
goodness, those were the days! You basically had a website for blatant narcissism.
Choosing the perfect background song and your top 8 friends seemed like the
hardest decision of your life. By then I was about 14 and had my first
boyfriend. Our relationship, like other teenage relationships, was only puppy
love. And yes, social media sort of played an important role in our relationship.
Messenger conversations until 2 am, secret phone calls, love messages on our
MySpace profiles, etcetera, etcetera. Social media helped us connect. It also
helped him take a decision without facing the aftermath. Yes, after one year
and some months as couple we broke up. Did I mention that he did this through
messenger?
So, there I was, my first heartbreak. What was left was a profile
filled with photos of us and messages of “love” (and some really cool Converse
shoes that he gave me for my birthday). I was devastated and broke into tiny pieces
all the letters he sent me. I needed a cleanse. A physical, mental, and digital
cleanse. I erased him from every single social media platform. Sounds super
dramatic, but it was hurtful to get detached. He became nonexistent.
Little did I know that that wasn’t
the last time I would have to recur to that cleanse. Social media was a way to
boost my confidence. Now I realized that I learned how to “flirt” thanks to it.
However, all that effort was in vain, since in real life I would be overwhelmed
with shyness.
Today we have Facebook.
Stalker-book. Friends-who-are-not-real-friends-book. Frenemies-book.
Hey-What-Happened-To-You-After-Highschool-book. Yeah, we have all been there
and done that. You know that if you accept that friend request you are giving
that person access to your “life”. Not really, but you do allow them to stalk
you. But don’t worry, you clearly know that even without accepting the friend
request, they will find you, and they will… creep on you. The continuous
haunting has been enhanced by smartphones, apps and notifications. In a blink
of an eye, we have let technology become part of us, even to do one of the most
human things: TALK.
We live in a day and age where we
depend, perhaps too much, on technology. We seek immediate satisfaction. Don’t
get me wrong, there are numerous benefits of technology even in a social
aspect. That does not change the fact that it has altered the way we
communicate with each other. Yes, it has created bridges for strangers from all
around the world to meet. Nevertheless, in our real life it might create
invisible walls. And this brings me to Tinder.
Tinder, the “App of the hour”. Want to meet someone new within your selected
range of attractiveness? Have some real need for a blind date and perhaps a one-night-stand
with a stranger? Swipe right if you like a guy. Swipe left if you think is a
disgrace for humanity. Swipe up if you think his sexiness is supernatural. Easy, right? Download it now and join millions of others
who love the thrill of the Russian roulette of STDs, unsolicited dick pics, walks
of shame and regret!
I know, I know. I’m exaggerating.
Not everybody uses Tinder for those purposes. Some do it just for fun and to
know people outside their social circle. But for me, it doesn’t work. Maybe I’m
an old lady trapped in the body of a millennial girl. Tinder and other dating
apps cut out one of the most exciting parts of a relationship: the chase. Oh come,
on, you know you want it. Deep down you want that guy (or girl, depending what
you are in to) to fight for it, to see how the relationship grows step-by-step
from a friendship or feud to something else. Personally, as a shy person, I
find it terrifying to meet a stranger with the idea of having a chance of being
involved in a romantic relationship. Maybe you might think is the most
effective way of getting to know someone. Honestly, I see it as a sign of laziness
and a way to avoid rejection.
We are all afraid of rejection. We want to abstain from the
pain of being told “NO”. That answer has the potential to destroy you
emotionally. Have I been friend-zoned? Am
I ugly? Am I good enough? Will I ever find “the one”? No one wants to deal with
heartbreak. Nevertheless, rejection is part of life and we must accept it.
Somehow it makes you grow. But these apps do help avoid the uncomfortable part
of getting notice. At the end of the
day, they do not save you from a possible bad relationship.
For all I know, technology and social media will continue to
be part of our lives. Although nowadays is essential, we should not let it be
the primary pathway for our relationship. Human contact should continue to be
primordial. My advice: use it at your own risk. If you are curious Tinder or
any other dating app, definitely give it a try! But first unplug, log out, and
look around. Shake a hand, introduce yourself to a stranger, look in someone’s
eyes and smile. Do not limit yourself even if you are shy. Use technology
wisely and be aware of your humanity… which includes your flaws.
So, click send, make eye contact, and wink.
(Don't be a creep though)
"Wasting My Young Years"- London Grammar
If you have similar experiences and/or quarter-life conundrums, please leave a comment below.
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